too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
