I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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