he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
