Small penises have feelings too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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