I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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