i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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