I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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