Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
