Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
