I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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