worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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