I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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