haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
