she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
nutella sex= disaster
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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