get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
