I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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