Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
