I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
