Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
