Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
