Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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