her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
