winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
