ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
