Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
