Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They took my balls.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
