I wanna bring you to show and tell
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
