Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sext me about skeletons
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
