So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
