using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
