Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
my liver is dry heaving
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
