the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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