i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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