Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need water and some morals
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
