you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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