Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
