his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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