More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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