dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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