Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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