Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
