You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
