I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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