After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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