I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this just has baby written all over it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
