im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
