My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today