bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?