I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.