just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams