I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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