I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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