They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone came in the potted fern
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
