that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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