If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
