here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
