Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
