Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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