I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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