You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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