dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
