You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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