Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
