i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
