Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
