your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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