I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
