Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
