I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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