your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
