mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
