Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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