I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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