ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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