What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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