So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
