no, he came in my armpit
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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