Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
