So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
