She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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