So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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