made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
