it wasn't lemon gatorade
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
