garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
