I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
