he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
