brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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