my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
