you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind