I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?