Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story