I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.