Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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