I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.