so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy