I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015