would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷