Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.