i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
