Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
