I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
