Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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